I think when a person contemplates their death they hope that they will be remembered for something good. That people will speak of them in a favorable light long after the sun stops shining.
I used to think that I wanted to be remembered for being a good person, for for always doing the right thing by people. Not bad aspirations, I hear you say, but I think just recently the thing I want to be remembered for is not those things. Or at least not only for those things.
I want to be remembered for something else. My Legacy to this Earth. I am leaving something that I know will bring so much happiness to so many people. It's more precious than the finest jewels, it cannot be bought, bartered for or traded.
The Legacy I am leaving this Earth with, is quite simply my greatest achievement.
My 3 wonderful children. Simply by their presence they make this world a better place.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
My personal love affair.
[IMG]http://i589.photobucket.com/albums/ss333/Eddtv/myspace/EiffelTower.jpg[/IMG]
I can't begin to tell you about my obsession with this tower. It probably borders on abnormal - but I don't care.
How can you fall in love with a building you've never seen?
Easy. When you are an impressionable 6 year old and you see amovie with this beautiful tower and the film shows this couple falling in love and the nam proposing to the woman underneath the tower..........well there you have it. I've loved this building since i was 6 years old and I'm now 40.
I have trinkets, postcards, paintings, charms. I even wear a silver Eiffel Tower around my neck.
I'm yet to actually visit this building in person - but i'm sure it's everything I dream of and more.
I can't begin to tell you about my obsession with this tower. It probably borders on abnormal - but I don't care.
How can you fall in love with a building you've never seen?
Easy. When you are an impressionable 6 year old and you see amovie with this beautiful tower and the film shows this couple falling in love and the nam proposing to the woman underneath the tower..........well there you have it. I've loved this building since i was 6 years old and I'm now 40.
I have trinkets, postcards, paintings, charms. I even wear a silver Eiffel Tower around my neck.
I'm yet to actually visit this building in person - but i'm sure it's everything I dream of and more.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
A Mother's Day reflection
On this special day - I will turn to the words of another:-
To You, My Sisters
By Maureen K. Higgins
Many of you I have never even met face to face, but I've searched you out every day. I've looked for you on the Internet, on playgrounds and in grocery stores. I've become an expert at identifying you. You are well worn. You are stronger than you ever wanted to be. Your words ring experience, experience you culled with your very heart and soul. You are compassionate beyond the expectations of this world. You are my "sisters."
Yes, you and I, my friend, are sisters in a sorority. A very elite sorority. We are special. Just like any other sorority, we were chosen to be members. Some of us were invited to join immediately, some not for months or even years. Some of us even tried to refuse membership, but to no avail.
We were initiated in neurologist's offices and NICU units, in obstetrician's offices, in emergency rooms, and during ultrasounds. We were initiated with somber telephone calls, consultations, evaluations, blood tests, x-rays, MRI films, and heart surgeries.
All of us have one thing in common. One day things were fine. We were pregnant, or we had just given birth, or we were nursing our newborn, or we were playing with our toddler. Yes, one minute everything was fine. Then, whether it happened in an instant, as it often does, or over the course of a few weeks or months, our entire lives changed. Something wasn't quite right. Then we found ourselves mothers of children with special needs.
We are united, we sisters, regardless of the diversity of our children's special needs. Some of our children undergo chemotherapy. Some need respirators and ventilators. Some are unable to talk, some are unable to walk. Some eat through feeding tubes. Some live in a different world. We do not discriminate against those mothers whose children's needs are not as "special" as our child's. We have mutual respect and empathy for all the women who walk in our shoes.
We are knowledgeable. We have educated ourselves with whatever materials we could find. We know "the" specialists in the field. We know "the" neurologists, "the" hospitals, "the" wonder drugs, "the" treatments. We know "the" tests that need to be done, we know "the" degenerative and progressive diseases and we hold our breath while our children are tested for them. Without formal education, we could become board certified in neurology, endocrinology, and psychiatry.
We have taken on our insurance companies and school boards to get what our children need to survive, and to flourish. We have prevailed upon the State to include augmentative communication devices in special education classes and mainstream schools for our children with cerebral palsy. We have labored to prove to insurance companies the medical necessity of gait trainers and other adaptive equipment for our children with spinal cord defects. We have sued municipalities to have our children properly classified so they could receive education and evaluation commensurate with their diagnosis.
We have learned to deal with the rest of the world, even if that means walking away from it. We have tolerated scorn in supermarkets during "tantrums" and gritted our teeth while discipline was advocated by the person behind us on line. We have tolerated inane suggestions and home remedies from well-meaning strangers. We have tolerated mothers of children without special needs complaining about chicken pox and ear infections. We have learned that many of our closest friends can't understand what it's like to be in our sorority, and don't even want to try.
We have our own personal copies of Emily Perl Kingsley's "A Trip To Holland" and Erma Bombeck's "The Special Mother." We keep them by our bedside and read and reread them during our toughest hours. We have coped with holidays. We have found ways to get our physically handicapped children to the neighbors' front doors on Halloween, and we have found ways to help our deaf children form the words, "trick or treat." We have accepted that our children with sensory dysfunction will never wear velvet or lace on Christmas. We have painted a canvas of lights and a blazing Yule log with our words for our blind children. We have pureed turkey on Thanksgiving. We have bought white chocolate bunnies for Easter. And all the while, we have tried to create a festive atmosphere for the rest of our family.
We've gotten up every morning since our journey began wondering how we'd make it through another day, and gone to bed every evening not sure how we did it.
We've mourned the fact that we never got to relax and sip red wine in Italy. We've mourned the fact that our trip to Holland has required much more baggage than we ever imagined when we first visited the travel agent. And we've mourned because we left for the airport without most of the things we needed for the trip.
But we, sisters, we keep the faith always. We never stop believing. Our love for our special children and our belief in all that they will achieve in life knows no bounds. We dream of them scoring touchdowns and extra points and home runs. We visualize them running sprints and marathons. We dream of them planting vegetable seeds, riding horses and chopping down trees. We hear their angelic voices singing Christmas carols. We see their palettes smeared with watercolors, and their fingers flying over ivory keys in a concert hall. We are amazed at the grace of their pirouettes. We never, never stop believing in all they will accomplish as they pass through this world.
But in the meantime, my sisters, the most important thing we do, is hold tight to their little hands as together, we special mothers and our special children, reach for the stars.
*Dedicated to all the mother's of children who have special needs - especially those beautiful girls that live on "The Island"
They turn my Holland into a little bit of Italy everyday. I love them.
To You, My Sisters
By Maureen K. Higgins
Many of you I have never even met face to face, but I've searched you out every day. I've looked for you on the Internet, on playgrounds and in grocery stores. I've become an expert at identifying you. You are well worn. You are stronger than you ever wanted to be. Your words ring experience, experience you culled with your very heart and soul. You are compassionate beyond the expectations of this world. You are my "sisters."
Yes, you and I, my friend, are sisters in a sorority. A very elite sorority. We are special. Just like any other sorority, we were chosen to be members. Some of us were invited to join immediately, some not for months or even years. Some of us even tried to refuse membership, but to no avail.
We were initiated in neurologist's offices and NICU units, in obstetrician's offices, in emergency rooms, and during ultrasounds. We were initiated with somber telephone calls, consultations, evaluations, blood tests, x-rays, MRI films, and heart surgeries.
All of us have one thing in common. One day things were fine. We were pregnant, or we had just given birth, or we were nursing our newborn, or we were playing with our toddler. Yes, one minute everything was fine. Then, whether it happened in an instant, as it often does, or over the course of a few weeks or months, our entire lives changed. Something wasn't quite right. Then we found ourselves mothers of children with special needs.
We are united, we sisters, regardless of the diversity of our children's special needs. Some of our children undergo chemotherapy. Some need respirators and ventilators. Some are unable to talk, some are unable to walk. Some eat through feeding tubes. Some live in a different world. We do not discriminate against those mothers whose children's needs are not as "special" as our child's. We have mutual respect and empathy for all the women who walk in our shoes.
We are knowledgeable. We have educated ourselves with whatever materials we could find. We know "the" specialists in the field. We know "the" neurologists, "the" hospitals, "the" wonder drugs, "the" treatments. We know "the" tests that need to be done, we know "the" degenerative and progressive diseases and we hold our breath while our children are tested for them. Without formal education, we could become board certified in neurology, endocrinology, and psychiatry.
We have taken on our insurance companies and school boards to get what our children need to survive, and to flourish. We have prevailed upon the State to include augmentative communication devices in special education classes and mainstream schools for our children with cerebral palsy. We have labored to prove to insurance companies the medical necessity of gait trainers and other adaptive equipment for our children with spinal cord defects. We have sued municipalities to have our children properly classified so they could receive education and evaluation commensurate with their diagnosis.
We have learned to deal with the rest of the world, even if that means walking away from it. We have tolerated scorn in supermarkets during "tantrums" and gritted our teeth while discipline was advocated by the person behind us on line. We have tolerated inane suggestions and home remedies from well-meaning strangers. We have tolerated mothers of children without special needs complaining about chicken pox and ear infections. We have learned that many of our closest friends can't understand what it's like to be in our sorority, and don't even want to try.
We have our own personal copies of Emily Perl Kingsley's "A Trip To Holland" and Erma Bombeck's "The Special Mother." We keep them by our bedside and read and reread them during our toughest hours. We have coped with holidays. We have found ways to get our physically handicapped children to the neighbors' front doors on Halloween, and we have found ways to help our deaf children form the words, "trick or treat." We have accepted that our children with sensory dysfunction will never wear velvet or lace on Christmas. We have painted a canvas of lights and a blazing Yule log with our words for our blind children. We have pureed turkey on Thanksgiving. We have bought white chocolate bunnies for Easter. And all the while, we have tried to create a festive atmosphere for the rest of our family.
We've gotten up every morning since our journey began wondering how we'd make it through another day, and gone to bed every evening not sure how we did it.
We've mourned the fact that we never got to relax and sip red wine in Italy. We've mourned the fact that our trip to Holland has required much more baggage than we ever imagined when we first visited the travel agent. And we've mourned because we left for the airport without most of the things we needed for the trip.
But we, sisters, we keep the faith always. We never stop believing. Our love for our special children and our belief in all that they will achieve in life knows no bounds. We dream of them scoring touchdowns and extra points and home runs. We visualize them running sprints and marathons. We dream of them planting vegetable seeds, riding horses and chopping down trees. We hear their angelic voices singing Christmas carols. We see their palettes smeared with watercolors, and their fingers flying over ivory keys in a concert hall. We are amazed at the grace of their pirouettes. We never, never stop believing in all they will accomplish as they pass through this world.
But in the meantime, my sisters, the most important thing we do, is hold tight to their little hands as together, we special mothers and our special children, reach for the stars.
*Dedicated to all the mother's of children who have special needs - especially those beautiful girls that live on "The Island"
They turn my Holland into a little bit of Italy everyday. I love them.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Just when I was getting the hang of it all.....
Unfortunate incident last week.
I came down with Gastro. I didn't know it was gastro and toddled off to see my doctor.
She wasn't happy that I had cancelled my appointment with the Gastroenterologist (and the Upper GI scope).
I explained to her that for me, having a diagnosis of Coelic isn't a death sentence. It's a diet modification and therefore I was happy to accept my diagnosis based on the blood tests alone. And let's face it - eating GF is pretty easy. (It's the whole Gluten in make-up deal I am still coming to terms with). To also be frank - I really didn't feel like having a biopsy just to see "what's going on".
So anyway.....I digress......doctor asks me how the GF diet is going. I tell her it's pretty easy (except when you eat out and you put your diet & trust in someone elses hands). It's been almost 6 weeks, but to be honest I don't feel any better. Fatter maybe, but definitely not better.
She wants to run some blood tests. Great! I've just paid for the last ones.
So I figure I will ask her to do a specific Coelic tissue type sampling - a gene test. To have Coelic you have to carry certain genetic make-up.
So I've been tested for that, again a full blood count and B12. I went in this morning for the blood tests, got a call from the doctors surgery tonight at 8pm saying I need to go back in to see my doctor.
I'm not overly worried. Either I have Coelic or I don't. No biggie either way. I'm guessing my B12 levels are shot again.
So why can't they tell you this stuff over the phone? Instead now, I have to go in, pay for avisit and probably hear news that isn't life threatening. Life threatening results I understand - normal results I don't. And why do they insist on calling you in the evening? What's with that?
So......here's waiting. Wish me luck!
I came down with Gastro. I didn't know it was gastro and toddled off to see my doctor.
She wasn't happy that I had cancelled my appointment with the Gastroenterologist (and the Upper GI scope).
I explained to her that for me, having a diagnosis of Coelic isn't a death sentence. It's a diet modification and therefore I was happy to accept my diagnosis based on the blood tests alone. And let's face it - eating GF is pretty easy. (It's the whole Gluten in make-up deal I am still coming to terms with). To also be frank - I really didn't feel like having a biopsy just to see "what's going on".
So anyway.....I digress......doctor asks me how the GF diet is going. I tell her it's pretty easy (except when you eat out and you put your diet & trust in someone elses hands). It's been almost 6 weeks, but to be honest I don't feel any better. Fatter maybe, but definitely not better.
She wants to run some blood tests. Great! I've just paid for the last ones.
So I figure I will ask her to do a specific Coelic tissue type sampling - a gene test. To have Coelic you have to carry certain genetic make-up.
So I've been tested for that, again a full blood count and B12. I went in this morning for the blood tests, got a call from the doctors surgery tonight at 8pm saying I need to go back in to see my doctor.
I'm not overly worried. Either I have Coelic or I don't. No biggie either way. I'm guessing my B12 levels are shot again.
So why can't they tell you this stuff over the phone? Instead now, I have to go in, pay for avisit and probably hear news that isn't life threatening. Life threatening results I understand - normal results I don't. And why do they insist on calling you in the evening? What's with that?
So......here's waiting. Wish me luck!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Divorce......at what price?
A good friend of mine whom I have known for about 15 years came to me recently for some marital advice. A bit ironic because I'm not too good in the marriage/relationship area myself - but heck - I'm never one to turn down a chance to talk (or give advice) (sad I know!)
Having worked in the area of family law for a while, and living in a relatively small town (280,000), you get to know who are the good lawyers and who are not. I gave him the names of 4 lawyers, all of whom I know their work. Good ethical lawyers who will try to resolve the issues at hand in a reasonable amount of time. Sadly not all lawyers live by that creed - most do but as in any industry there are sharks.
He then asked me for some advice - he really hadn't been involved with lawyers at all and let's face it - most people haven't. And lawyers can be pretty scary people at first. I should know. I worked for them and I'm in a relationship with one.
So here it is:-
1. Leave emotion at the door. The more you look at your situation as a means to an end the better off (emotionally and financially) you'll be.
2. Stop trying to punish your ex. You really and truly want revenge? (you do don't do?).
Live your life well. That will be the best revenge you will ever have.
3. Do not drag your kids into the divorce. IMHO this is a form of child abuse. There's no excuse for slanging down the mother/father of your children EVER. Even the youngest of children internalises a divorce and it changes them. Ask any adult who was the product of a nasty divorce as a child what it did to their perception on relationships.
4. Be reasonable (and smart). Don't get into lengthy negotiations over stupid things like toasters, t.v's, garden settings. Let them have that old stuff and with the money you save not fighting it through your lawyers - you can go out and buy some new stuff. Don't sweat the small stuff!
5. Your lawyer is not your friend. You are paying them to give you legal advice. If you want someone to give you sympathy about the amount of time you spent planting that garden or the amount of times you sat home alone, or how this isn't fair - call a friend. Buy them dinner and pour out your woes - it's much cheaper.
6. Don't start dating. The worst time to start a new relationship is when you actually haven't finished with the old one. Believe me, you have issues (or you wouldn't be going through a divorce).
7. Don't befriend your ex on facebook/MSN/(insert networking site here). Same goes for their family. Bad move.
8. And don't slag them off on it either. Word travels.
9. Be aware that sometimes the law is not about what you can (or want) to prove. It's about getting the best possible outcome for both parties. It might seem that it isn't right or isn't fair (and sometimes it isn't) but the law is about getting the best possible outcome in what is a shitty situation.
10. Life does go on. And once you get over those first "firsts' (Easter, birthday, mother's day, father's day, Christmas) it does get easier.
oh....and here's a little divorce blog I like to read http://themarriagemaven.blogspot.com/ She's in the U.S and I'm in Australia and our laws differ somewhat - but heck if you feel like a light read - she's got some good advice.
edited to add one more thing:- Please don't punish the grandparents. Your ex might be a dweeb but his/her parents still have grandchildren that they love. And having those extra people around who love you no matter what isn't a bad thing is it?
Having worked in the area of family law for a while, and living in a relatively small town (280,000), you get to know who are the good lawyers and who are not. I gave him the names of 4 lawyers, all of whom I know their work. Good ethical lawyers who will try to resolve the issues at hand in a reasonable amount of time. Sadly not all lawyers live by that creed - most do but as in any industry there are sharks.
He then asked me for some advice - he really hadn't been involved with lawyers at all and let's face it - most people haven't. And lawyers can be pretty scary people at first. I should know. I worked for them and I'm in a relationship with one.
So here it is:-
1. Leave emotion at the door. The more you look at your situation as a means to an end the better off (emotionally and financially) you'll be.
2. Stop trying to punish your ex. You really and truly want revenge? (you do don't do?).
Live your life well. That will be the best revenge you will ever have.
3. Do not drag your kids into the divorce. IMHO this is a form of child abuse. There's no excuse for slanging down the mother/father of your children EVER. Even the youngest of children internalises a divorce and it changes them. Ask any adult who was the product of a nasty divorce as a child what it did to their perception on relationships.
4. Be reasonable (and smart). Don't get into lengthy negotiations over stupid things like toasters, t.v's, garden settings. Let them have that old stuff and with the money you save not fighting it through your lawyers - you can go out and buy some new stuff. Don't sweat the small stuff!
5. Your lawyer is not your friend. You are paying them to give you legal advice. If you want someone to give you sympathy about the amount of time you spent planting that garden or the amount of times you sat home alone, or how this isn't fair - call a friend. Buy them dinner and pour out your woes - it's much cheaper.
6. Don't start dating. The worst time to start a new relationship is when you actually haven't finished with the old one. Believe me, you have issues (or you wouldn't be going through a divorce).
7. Don't befriend your ex on facebook/MSN/(insert networking site here). Same goes for their family. Bad move.
8. And don't slag them off on it either. Word travels.
9. Be aware that sometimes the law is not about what you can (or want) to prove. It's about getting the best possible outcome for both parties. It might seem that it isn't right or isn't fair (and sometimes it isn't) but the law is about getting the best possible outcome in what is a shitty situation.
10. Life does go on. And once you get over those first "firsts' (Easter, birthday, mother's day, father's day, Christmas) it does get easier.
oh....and here's a little divorce blog I like to read http://themarriagemaven.blogspot.com/ She's in the U.S and I'm in Australia and our laws differ somewhat - but heck if you feel like a light read - she's got some good advice.
edited to add one more thing:- Please don't punish the grandparents. Your ex might be a dweeb but his/her parents still have grandchildren that they love. And having those extra people around who love you no matter what isn't a bad thing is it?
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Low Down on Gluten free so far.
Well, truth be told it isn't/hasn't been that bad.
Labeling laws in Australia are pretty good, so even for dummies like me who get confused by ingredient lists - it's usually stated on the packet in plain old english if the product is actually Gluten free, so my brain fog hasn't really affected my eating so far.
The downside for me has been the scales slowly creeping upwards. I've been assured that this is only temporary, but never the less for someone like me who has a fat phobia it has been concerning.
The rest of the family is eating GF as much as possible which helps. That's because I do the cooking and refuse to prepare numerous meals on top of everything else I have to do. The family is however still enjoying bread, crackers, sliced cheese and chocolate bars (the fact they can still do that with me glaring at them is another matter....LOL). Our snacks (except for the chocolate) are all gluten free too.
So far, I am disappointed to say I don't feel any different (except fatter). No magical wonder diet here. Like everything else in my life, it seems that anything good from this will take it's time.
The very good news is............Champagne and Red Wine are gluten free! *Cheers*
Labeling laws in Australia are pretty good, so even for dummies like me who get confused by ingredient lists - it's usually stated on the packet in plain old english if the product is actually Gluten free, so my brain fog hasn't really affected my eating so far.
The downside for me has been the scales slowly creeping upwards. I've been assured that this is only temporary, but never the less for someone like me who has a fat phobia it has been concerning.
The rest of the family is eating GF as much as possible which helps. That's because I do the cooking and refuse to prepare numerous meals on top of everything else I have to do. The family is however still enjoying bread, crackers, sliced cheese and chocolate bars (the fact they can still do that with me glaring at them is another matter....LOL). Our snacks (except for the chocolate) are all gluten free too.
So far, I am disappointed to say I don't feel any different (except fatter). No magical wonder diet here. Like everything else in my life, it seems that anything good from this will take it's time.
The very good news is............Champagne and Red Wine are gluten free! *Cheers*
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Pity party over
Okay.......it's dust yourself off and get on with it day. Pity Party Day is over.
Today is a new day and a chance to start over.
I need a new direction and I don't know what or where it needs to come from.
Ready for a journey? I guess I am!
Keep Going, The Art of Perseverance.
Today is a new day and a chance to start over.
I need a new direction and I don't know what or where it needs to come from.
Ready for a journey? I guess I am!
Keep Going, The Art of Perseverance.
The fact is, the sun does not always shine. Gentle breezes can grown into tornadoes. Too much rain can lead to flood, and too much sunshine causes the drought. Life is life–it is what it is. It offers no certainties, except that it will go on with you or without you. The sun will rise and set every day. Though clouds obscure your perception and you do not see it coming up and going down, it will do so nonetheless. So do the seasons follow their unerring cycle, waiting for no one or nothing. The seasons turn into years and the years into ages. Neither waiting nor caring if you join them, but never denying your choice to do so. They will go, and so much you because your journey is waiting. And in your journey you will learn reality and balance.
I found this excerpt on a wonderful blog I read called Gee Patty. A lovely lady whose own journey has inspired me.
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