That when you make a decision that's uteerly life changing, nagging doubts surface? I doubt myself on the big decisions and I think that's in part because I have lost confidence.
I told a good friend about my decision to leave my DH and she urged me to think about some counselling. She is also an ASD mum and knows the stresses and strains of raising a child with special needs. She says that the counselling saved their marriage and refocussed them back into a 'relationship'.
I don't know if I want that - although in itself sometimes counselling is good to actually point out the reasons you SHOULDN'T be together. I do believe though that people don't really change. Not for the long term anyway. We are what we are. It takes a really strong and committed person to make those life long decisions and I think that despite good intentions people ultimately fall back into what they know.
Even if I take away the ASD stuff, I don't see a future with DH. Looking into your future.....wow....there's a depressing thought for me! I've distanced myself from all my friends, don't have 'work' collegues and my family is all over the place. The house I will be able to afford...sigh...it's just as well I'm handy with a paint brush.
There are so many aspects of this I don't want - and yet the alternative to stay in a relationship that's stagnant and stale - not appetising either.
Oh well...................enough lamenting! Time for a glass of red wine and maybe a dvd.
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