Just when I was getting the hang of it all.....

Unfortunate incident last week.

I came down with Gastro. I didn't know it was gastro and toddled off to see my doctor.

She wasn't happy that I had cancelled my appointment with the Gastroenterologist (and the Upper GI scope).

I explained to her that for me, having a diagnosis of Coelic isn't a death sentence. It's a diet modification and therefore I was happy to accept my diagnosis based on the blood tests alone. And let's face it - eating GF is pretty easy. (It's the whole Gluten in make-up deal I am still coming to terms with). To also be frank - I really didn't feel like having a biopsy just to see "what's going on".

So anyway.....I digress......doctor asks me how the GF diet is going. I tell her it's pretty easy (except when you eat out and you put your diet & trust in someone elses hands). It's been almost 6 weeks, but to be honest I don't feel any better. Fatter maybe, but definitely not better.

She wants to run some blood tests. Great! I've just paid for the last ones.

So I figure I will ask her to do a specific Coelic tissue type sampling - a gene test. To have Coelic you have to carry certain genetic make-up.

So I've been tested for that, again a full blood count and B12. I went in this morning for the blood tests, got a call from the doctors surgery tonight at 8pm saying I need to go back in to see my doctor.

I'm not overly worried. Either I have Coelic or I don't. No biggie either way. I'm guessing my B12 levels are shot again.

So why can't they tell you this stuff over the phone? Instead now, I have to go in, pay for avisit and probably hear news that isn't life threatening. Life threatening results I understand - normal results I don't. And why do they insist on calling you in the evening? What's with that?

So......here's waiting. Wish me luck!

Divorce......at what price?

A good friend of mine whom I have known for about 15 years came to me recently for some marital advice. A bit ironic because I'm not too good in the marriage/relationship area myself - but heck - I'm never one to turn down a chance to talk (or give advice) (sad I know!)

Having worked in the area of family law for a while, and living in a relatively small town (280,000), you get to know who are the good lawyers and who are not. I gave him the names of 4 lawyers, all of whom I know their work. Good ethical lawyers who will try to resolve the issues at hand in a reasonable amount of time. Sadly not all lawyers live by that creed - most do but as in any industry there are sharks.

He then asked me for some advice - he really hadn't been involved with lawyers at all and let's face it - most people haven't. And lawyers can be pretty scary people at first. I should know. I worked for them and I'm in a relationship with one.

So here it is:-

1. Leave emotion at the door. The more you look at your situation as a means to an end the better off (emotionally and financially) you'll be.

2. Stop trying to punish your ex. You really and truly want revenge? (you do don't do?).
Live your life well. That will be the best revenge you will ever have.

3. Do not drag your kids into the divorce. IMHO this is a form of child abuse. There's no excuse for slanging down the mother/father of your children EVER. Even the youngest of children internalises a divorce and it changes them. Ask any adult who was the product of a nasty divorce as a child what it did to their perception on relationships.

4. Be reasonable (and smart). Don't get into lengthy negotiations over stupid things like toasters, t.v's, garden settings. Let them have that old stuff and with the money you save not fighting it through your lawyers - you can go out and buy some new stuff. Don't sweat the small stuff!

5. Your lawyer is not your friend. You are paying them to give you legal advice. If you want someone to give you sympathy about the amount of time you spent planting that garden or the amount of times you sat home alone, or how this isn't fair - call a friend. Buy them dinner and pour out your woes - it's much cheaper.

6. Don't start dating. The worst time to start a new relationship is when you actually haven't finished with the old one. Believe me, you have issues (or you wouldn't be going through a divorce).

7. Don't befriend your ex on facebook/MSN/(insert networking site here). Same goes for their family. Bad move.

8. And don't slag them off on it either. Word travels.

9. Be aware that sometimes the law is not about what you can (or want) to prove. It's about getting the best possible outcome for both parties. It might seem that it isn't right or isn't fair (and sometimes it isn't) but the law is about getting the best possible outcome in what is a shitty situation.

10. Life does go on. And once you get over those first "firsts' (Easter, birthday, mother's day, father's day, Christmas) it does get easier.

oh....and here's a little divorce blog I like to read http://themarriagemaven.blogspot.com/ She's in the U.S and I'm in Australia and our laws differ somewhat - but heck if you feel like a light read - she's got some good advice.

edited to add one more thing:- Please don't punish the grandparents. Your ex might be a dweeb but his/her parents still have grandchildren that they love. And having those extra people around who love you no matter what isn't a bad thing is it?

The Low Down on Gluten free so far.

Well, truth be told it isn't/hasn't been that bad.

Labeling laws in Australia are pretty good, so even for dummies like me who get confused by ingredient lists - it's usually stated on the packet in plain old english if the product is actually Gluten free, so my brain fog hasn't really affected my eating so far.

The downside for me has been the scales slowly creeping upwards. I've been assured that this is only temporary, but never the less for someone like me who has a fat phobia it has been concerning.

The rest of the family is eating GF as much as possible which helps. That's because I do the cooking and refuse to prepare numerous meals on top of everything else I have to do. The family is however still enjoying bread, crackers, sliced cheese and chocolate bars (the fact they can still do that with me glaring at them is another matter....LOL). Our snacks (except for the chocolate) are all gluten free too.

So far, I am disappointed to say I don't feel any different (except fatter). No magical wonder diet here. Like everything else in my life, it seems that anything good from this will take it's time.

The very good news is............Champagne and Red Wine are gluten free! *Cheers*

Pity party over

Okay.......it's dust yourself off and get on with it day. Pity Party Day is over.

Today is a new day and a chance to start over.

I need a new direction and I don't know what or where it needs to come from.

Ready for a journey? I guess I am!

Keep Going, The Art of Perseverance.

The fact is, the sun does not always shine. Gentle breezes can grown into tornadoes. Too much rain can lead to flood, and too much sunshine causes the drought. Life is life–it is what it is. It offers no certainties, except that it will go on with you or without you. The sun will rise and set every day. Though clouds obscure your perception and you do not see it coming up and going down, it will do so nonetheless. So do the seasons follow their unerring cycle, waiting for no one or nothing. The seasons turn into years and the years into ages. Neither waiting nor caring if you join them, but never denying your choice to do so. They will go, and so much you because your journey is waiting. And in your journey you will learn reality and balance.

I found this excerpt on a wonderful blog I read called Gee Patty. A lovely lady whose own journey has inspired me.

So today I got thinking

I am approaching 40. Yup the BIG Four Oh!

Crap.

In my 20's I pictured my 40's being a time of sheer indulgence. My kids would be approaching their own 20's, i would be cashed up and my DH and I would still be young enough to travel. And I'd still look good ;o)

Reality is the person I thought I'd be spending my later years with is gone. Not dead gone, but gone. Our marriage of 10 years a mere memory these days. My thoughts of being "cashed up' are gone too. 10 years post divorce and 2 kids to raise has eaten up my savings.

Moving along.......as a new partner and a new baby.....looking good right? A new start?

Throw in a premature birth, a diagnosis of Autism, two other children to raise and you can kiss any chance of cashing yourself up goodbye. Add a blended family into the mix and Hello - Jackpot.

I LOVE all my children dearly. They are great kids and I'm so very proud of each and every one of them.

But the stresses of what we have been through these past 6 years have taken their toll on my health and my looks. The old woman I look at in the mirror doesn't need to wonder where that wistful 20 year old went. She died. She died in all the crap that has become her life.

And I hate her. I hate that youthful 20 something for wanting and I hate the almost 40 something for knowing she can't have it. That old bitter face I look at so much has become a symbol of failure and of sadness and of regret. I hate looking at myself so much I have only 1 mirror in my home and it's in the bathroom. I haven't even looked at myself in a full length mirror for as long as I can remember. I can't remember the last time I felt good (or looked good).

My 40's will be a long way short of the dreams I had in my 20's.

L's Easter Gifts

I asked L if he would like to give easter eggs to the children in his class. "Yes!" was the response.

He is in a small class of 7 students (including him) and all have various forms of Autism.

I asked his teacher if it would okay for him to distribute the eggs tomorrow before they break up for the Easter holidays. I got a list of who is allergic to what and any dietary preferences.

Armed with that, I went hunting for:-

Gluten Free / Dairy Free Eggs
Nut Free Eggs
& just plain old Easter Eggs :o)

I've put labels on the eggs and because L is learning to read, he will be able to hand over the eggs himself (with some help). I've even included one in the bag just for him and a spare one incase one gets broken. Let's pray it isn't the gluten free/dairy free egg that bites the bullet. That sucker was hard to find.

It's hard to say what the reaction of the other kids will be, but I know L will enjoy the experience of giving them out.